| One weathercaster called it a "must-see light | | | | everyone agrees was even better than |
| and shadow show by the Old Master Himself," | | | | "Scream," would doubtless have languished in |
| but I can't say this last solar eclipse was | | | | perpetual turnaround since filmgoers would |
| worthy of the recommendation. Not even total, | | | | have found the emotions of fear and panic |
| and staged (in my location anyway) behind a | | | | depicted in the original much too weird and |
| thick cloud cover that served only to diffuse | | | | elusive for a sequel to ever be greenlighted. |
| the vivid contrasts essential to any dramatic | | | | |
| effect, the "Old Master" might have been | | | | What's more, we can be reasonably certain |
| faxing it in from deep space somewhere for | | | | that the popular denouement of the "happy |
| all the incandescence it could claim. Quite | | | | ending"-the product of an inevitable |
| frankly, as light shows go, I thought more | | | | backlash-would never have been developed. |
| interesting work was being done at the | | | | |
| Electric Circus back in the '60s. | | | | So while it's often, for me, like feeling |
| | | | obliged to respect whatever that was that |
| Now let's please not have any | | | | Marcel Marceau used to do, even as you knew |
| misunderstandings. I'm aware that I'm | | | | that one more minute of it and your lungs |
| criticizing the performance of a venerable | | | | were going to erupt with blood, I'm more than |
| figure who, over the eons and in every | | | | prepared to honor the "Old Master's" |
| conceivable form and category, has compiled | | | | achievements. It's just that I'm not what |
| an impressive oeuvre. If I have to confess | | | | you'd call a huge fan. What puts me off most |
| that a lot of His stuff is not to my taste, | | | | is...well...it's His LORDLY attitude. I could |
| that I find much of it heavy-handed or | | | | forgive Him a lot-yes, even those tedious |
| impenetrable (when, indeed, it is not | | | | revivals of His wind-and-water specials that |
| distracted and slack), this doesn't mean I've | | | | take out half a state-were He less disdainful |
| failed to recognize the enormous contribution | | | | of His audience, less willfully opaque and |
| He's made. | | | | ambiguous. I know this "mysterious ways" |
| | | | thing is a cornerstone of His persona and I |
| I'm thinking, of course, of the models some | | | | can understand His reluctance to give it up. |
| of His stunning manipulations of the more | | | | But, bordering on the pathological, His |
| volatile natural elements provided for the | | | | aversion to making His meanings known is |
| Irwin Allen disaster films. And, to be sure, | | | | wearing a little thin, don't you think? |
| there's His introduction of death itself | | | | |
| which, brilliantly counterbalancing His | | | | I'll allow that, however disappointing it may |
| earlier invention of genders and sex, | | | | be, it's ultimately of small consequence when |
| forestalled the unwieldy prospect of | | | | He mounts a shoddy eclipse. But it's |
| twenty-thousand expansion teams in just the | | | | something else again when, for one especially |
| American League East (and, say, the 2005 | | | | egregious example, He leaves you to blow out |
| playoffs extending well into the 2020 | | | | all your circuits trying to figure just where |
| season). But that's hardly been the limit of | | | | Hannity and Colmes fit into the notion that |
| this remarkable innovation's reach and | | | | if you're on the planet it's for a reason. |
| impact. In its absence, "Scream 2," which | | | | |