| Man, I'm really worried about one of my two | | | | then they start it up all over again in |
| buddies in the Brotherhood, Hugh Foskey! | | | | February. Frankly, I've never seen Hugh so |
| | | | enmeshed in something, it's so bad that I'm |
| That's right, I'm really worried about the | | | | starting to think that a bunch of naked |
| Fosk these days. Hugh, along with Ray Pippin | | | | Amazonian women standing on the sidelines |
| and myself, form "The Brotherhood," the most | | | | couldn't get him off a soccer field. |
| elite social organization in the world. Our | | | | |
| membership list has totaled just three since | | | | Well, before I can attempt to get him out of |
| 1976, and you can't get much more exclusive | | | | this cult, I have to try to understand it. |
| than a club with only three members. Ray and | | | | I'm already sensing the attraction for Hugh. |
| Hugh are my two best friends, so if something | | | | Soccer seems to have its biggest following |
| goes wrong for one of them it automatically | | | | down in South America, huge crowds there |
| becomes a concern for me. And that brings me | | | | attend the games and just go bonkers over it. |
| around to what's going on with Hugh these | | | | I'm sure Hugh likes the fact that all those |
| days. | | | | people are so passionately into the sport, |
| | | | and he also appreciates the fact that those |
| Used to, Hugh and I would occasionally get | | | | South Americans like to play free and easy |
| together to watch a ballgame, grab some | | | | with the rules. I guess you would say its |
| Nu-Ways, or just talk some smack about who | | | | kinda like Ric Flair soccer. If the game is |
| the hottest woman in America is. Nowadays, | | | | going badly, the coach just makes up a few |
| I'm lucky if we get in a few minutes on the | | | | new rules, distracts the ref, and then gets |
| telephone every few days. Frankly, this | | | | his team back into the game. Hugh would |
| situation has concerned me, so I decided to | | | | appreciate that kind of sportsmanship, in |
| do a little undercover work to see just | | | | fact, he and his sons have been going to |
| what's going on. What I've found has really | | | | school recently in order to learn to how to |
| shocked me, but, being the professional | | | | referee soccer games. That way, Hugh, Will, |
| investigative journalist that I am, I'm going | | | | and Ross can not only play but they can also |
| to let all my readers in on the sordid truth | | | | take bribes and skim off the coaches of the |
| behind what's monopolizing Hugh's time. | | | | other teams as well. This little gambit could |
| Bottom line, Hugh's joined a cult. | | | | end up being so lucrative for Hugh that he |
| | | | might end up retiring from his job and |
| I know it's shocking, and I know it's | | | | devoting himself full-time to pari-mutuel |
| something that's hard for y'all to believe, | | | | soccer. Only in America, you know. |
| but Hugh's involved in a cult. It's something | | | | |
| called "Youth Soccer," and it's got him | | | | Well, it's my duty to get Hugh out of this |
| wrapped him up like a newspaper does a | | | | cult - he's starting to kick his dirty |
| freshly caught brim. Hugh's into it bad, and | | | | underwear around the house, and just the |
| I don't know if I'll ever get him out of it. | | | | other day he spent twenty minutes telling me |
| If I call him up on a Saturday and ask him to | | | | about how much a soccer ball should weigh. |
| go to a ballgame, he'll inform me that Ross | | | | It's just too much, and I'm puzzled as to how |
| or Will (his two sons, both are proud SOBs, | | | | to handle it. So please, loyal readers, for |
| Sons Of The Brotherhood) have "Saturday | | | | Hugh's sake and for the preservation of the |
| morning indoor games." Other times he'll tell | | | | Brotherhood, I humbly ask you for your help. |
| me that they're "playing a rec league | | | | Please send Hugh an email at: |
| Thursday night tournament game," or that | | | | |
| they're having "an out-of-towner" way off in | | | | ...tell him that you love him, and remind him |
| another city. Honestly, I think Hugh and his | | | | that Ray and I miss him here in the |
| boys are playing soccer seven days a week, | | | | Brotherhood. Perhaps, if enough expressions |
| and, on top of that, soccer season apparently | | | | of love and kindness find their way to him, |
| runs year round, as Hugh openly admits that | | | | he'll come to his senses, and then go with |
| his boys play from early February on up 'til | | | | Ray and I to wherever Amazonian women hang |
| up around Thanksgiving. When Thanksgiving | | | | out in order for us to beg them to come out |
| comes, they take off for a few weeks, get a | | | | to another soccer game... |
| bunch of new soccer gear for Christmas, and | | | | |