| Even by my own modest standards, it's | | | | by the withdrawal of Stephen Ireland. I |
| been a bad week. I've been left | | | | guess the Manchester City man is still |
| virtually incapacitated by what I can | | | | embarrassed after bumping off more |
| only assume is a new super-strain of | | | | grandmothers than Harold Shipman. |
| bird flu, possibly created by an | | | | The Irish have turned to Alex Bruce in |
| increasingly desperate rogue element of | | | | their search for quality cover. The |
| the bookmaking industry. | | | | solid defender is a real chip off the |
| I started feeling nauseous last | | | | old block: he's not good enough to play |
| Saturday, but I understandably put it | | | | for England. The 23/10 for a draw |
| down to watching Sharon Osbourne. I | | | | between Ireland and Germany is |
| suspected something was awry the | | | | unquestionably sound. |
| following day, when I ate all of the | | | | Julio Baptista couldn't cut the mustard |
| wife's dinner, and my worst fears were | | | | in the English Premier League: he was |
| confirmed on the night, when for the | | | | just a fat Francis Jeffers. The only |
| first time in three years I was forced | | | | thing chunkier than Bapman is the even |
| to hit the scratcher while the wife was | | | | money for Brazil kicking off their World |
| still awake. | | | | Cup qualification campaign with a win |
| I'm not one to complain though. It's | | | | against Colombia. |
| like my mom always says: when life | | | | Whenever I think of the 'lazy magician', |
| throws you lemons; make a DVD. | | | | I picture the dwarf-like Paul Daniels |
| I've used the time I've been laid up to | | | | looking up to the lovely Debbie McGee. |
| study the weekend football action. | | | | The moniker actually belongs to Juan |
| England look to be good things against a | | | | Roman Riquelme, who along with Carlos |
| shockingly poor Estonia side. Steve | | | | Tevez and Lionel Messi, form three solid |
| McClaren's team will be full of | | | | reasons why Argentina look the call at 3 |
| confidence after their recent Ashley | | | | 10 at home to Chile. |
| Cole inspired run; they've easily rolled | | | | My ultra-flu has led to vivid |
| over a couple of bums. They're | | | | hallucinations. I could have sworn I |
| super-short at 1/12, but it's virtually | | | | saw Scotland sitting on top of their |
| risk-free. | | | | qualification group. I'll be having the |
| Personally, I'd rather have a little | | | | crack when Ukraine see off the |
| punt on Wayne Rooney scoring at any time | | | | overachieving Jocks at a mammoth 11/4. |
| at 5/4. Michael Owen has been lucky | | | | The Faroe Islands once held Scotland to |
| enough to receive two thumbs up from a | | | | a 2-2 draw. Some people were shocked by |
| German bint, but I suspect McClaren may | | | | that result; the Sweaties rarely score |
| save the tiny hitman for Russia on | | | | two goals in a game. The French will |
| Wednesday. | | | | absolutely destroy the Faroes at 1/25; |
| The most enticing 'special' is probably | | | | it could well be a rugby score. |
| an England clean sheet at a hugely | | | | Another match where there could be a |
| tempting 4/9. I'm naturally worried | | | | rugby score is the rugby match between |
| about the form of Paul 'Iranian | | | | England and France. The English look a |
| shoplifter' Robinson, but the Estonians | | | | great shout at even money with a nine |
| lack the quality to take advantage. | | | | point start against the always chokable |
| The Republic of Ireland have been rocked | | | | French. |