| Mark Twain once said that golf is a good walk | | | | Everton can leave the Vicarage with three |
| spoiled; it is if a driver has been wrapped | | | | points at 11/8. |
| around your kneecaps. | | | | |
| | | | Sam Allardyce has spoken of his fears for the |
| The always controversial Craig Bellamy | | | | future of English football, as the youth of |
| allegedly thrust his wood in the direction of | | | | today are 'fat and lazy'. Frank Lampard is |
| John Arne Riise after a heavy night on the | | | | in consultation with his brief. Spurs must |
| ale. Personally, i blame Jermaine Pennant; | | | | be backed at a chunky 11/10 to devour Bolton. |
| he started all this drinking and driving. | | | | |
| | | | Emre has allegedly pleaded with Galatasaray |
| What most surprised me about the incident was | | | | to rescue him from his Newcastle nightmare. |
| the silence of the new American owners. As | | | | The sight of those shivering, shirtless Frank |
| Bellamy swung the club, I'd have expected a | | | | Lampard look-alikes in the crowd has finally |
| shout of 'You da man' or 'Get in the hole'. | | | | broken the poor man's spirit. I'm putting my |
| | | | shirt on a Wigan win over Newcastle at 8/5. |
| Incredibly, the blaze of publicity has | | | | |
| improved team morale. Bellamy and Riise both | | | | Let's hope that Benjani is not relying on a |
| found the net in midweek; I'm definitely | | | | goal scoring bonus to pay off his mortgage, |
| putting my wedge on Liverpool sinking | | | | or he'll soon be knocking on the door of |
| Sheffield United at 4/11. | | | | Robbie Savage's caravan. I'm travelling to |
| | | | the bookies to get on Blackburn at 13/10 to |
| The row over a karaoke machine was so | | | | see off Pompey. |
| ridiculous; it reminded me of when the wife | | | | |
| attacked me over something minor. In my | | | | The Arsenal team were delighted to receive |
| defence, she told me she was 21. I'm piling | | | | the honour of an audience with the Queen. |
| into the 21/10 about Reading beating up | | | | Jens Lehmann was particularly excited, but |
| Middlesbrough. | | | | that's understandable as he's a compatriot. |
| | | | |
| I found it outrageous that Gary Neville was | | | | The Queen looked more than happy to meet up |
| struck by a missile in Manchester United's | | | | with Freddie Ljungberg. For some strange |
| win over Lille. I remember Robbie Fowler was | | | | reason, I can't imagine Liz as a normal |
| involved in a similar incident a few years | | | | passionate woman. My reticence may be born |
| ago, but the Scouser's throw ended up well | | | | out of respect for her position as the head |
| short of the target. I'm throwing my dough | | | | of state, or it could be the fact that she's |
| on United to beat Fulham at 1/2. | | | | a double-bagger. |
| | | | |
| Defeat for either side in the Charlton v West | | | | Nothing would please me more than seeing the |
| Ham match spells almost certain relegation | | | | young Gunners lift the Carling Cup (except |
| and an estimated £50m loss. The stakes | | | | for the wife leaving), but from a punting |
| are so high; Pete Doherty is taking an | | | | perspective, the value lies with Chelsea at 6 |
| interest. | | | | 5 to win the match in 90 minutes. |
| | | | |
| On recent form and with home advantage, you | | | | For the more conservative bettors, Chelsea |
| have to fancy Charlton at 13/10. The Egg man | | | | should be backed at 8/13 to get their hands |
| will have to sell a shed-load of biscuits to | | | | on the first silverware of the season; if we |
| recoup that amount of cash; he's looking at | | | | choose to disregard Craig Bellamy's |
| two hours of trading after a Babyshambles | | | | handcuffs. |
| gig. | | | | |
| | | | The accer this week is so conciliatory, |
| Somewhat embarrassingly, I used to be an | | | | Liverpool FC have announced a long overdue |
| altar boy in my youth. I initially decided | | | | golf club amnesty. Wigan, Blackburn, |
| that a lifetime of celibacy was not for me; | | | | Tottenham and Chelsea are the selections, the |
| but after sleeping with the wife for six | | | | payout is an amicable 25/1. |
| years, I'm reconsidering my position. | | | | |