| Maya Talisman Frost | | | | |
| | | | When I tell people that I have four teenage |
| I love slow living. It's peaceful, meaningful | | | | daughters (ages 13, 14, 16 and 17), they look |
| and downright radical in a go-go world. | | | | at me with a mixture of horror and pity. Life |
| | | | must be tough at your house, they say. You |
| According to a recent article in | | | | must live in your car, they tell me. |
| (appropriately enough)Time magazine, groups | | | | |
| of harried parents across the USA are joining | | | | Um--no. |
| a wave of slow living advocates by doing | | | | |
| something really revolutionary--having one | | | | My idea of multi-tasking is breathing, |
| sit-down dinner at home with their kids each | | | | talking, and hiking in the woods--all at the |
| week. | | | | same time. My family eats a relaxing dinner |
| | | | together at home--by candlelight!--at least |
| I don't know whether to applaud or cry. | | | | five nights a week. It's the best part of the |
| | | | day. |
| The idea that parents are willing to | | | | |
| undertake the Herculean task of rearranging | | | | Don't get me wrong. Sports are great for |
| their schedules to fit in a single dinner at | | | | kids. So is drama. And music. And debate. |
| home is laudable. The fact that it requires | | | | |
| superhuman effort is terribly sad. | | | | But dinner matters, too. I figure that my |
| | | | kids aren't going to be living with us |
| How did we get here? | | | | forever, and while they're here, it's a lot |
| | | | more important to have dinner together than |
| The article states that back in the 1980s, | | | | it is to have the girls sign up for every |
| sociologists decided that providing | | | | sport and activity on earth. |
| structured activities for kids would prevent | | | | |
| juvenile delinquency. In addition, education | | | | What they lack in basket-shooting ability, |
| experts suggested that American children | | | | they've gained in conversation skills, |
| needed to study harder to compete | | | | thoughtfulness, and an appreciation for |
| academically in the global market. | | | | family and shared meals. |
| | | | |
| At the same time, American business leaders | | | | They don't eat yogurt from a tube while |
| looked around and discovered they were losing | | | | riding in a van, then race home to study. |
| their edge. They bumped up hours and | | | | Here's a typical scene at our house: four |
| production rates in an effort to keep ahead | | | | girls sprawled on the floor in front of the |
| of burgeoning Asian countries. This new | | | | fireplace, doing homework or reading. This is |
| competitiveness spilled over into the home, | | | | after we've had an enjoyable dinner and |
| where mothers fresh from the work force took | | | | they've cleaned up the kitchen. |
| the corporate ideal of high productivity to | | | | |
| the playgrounds. | | | | It makes me feel terribly guilty. Shouldn't I |
| | | | be exhausted and irritable, battered by |
| Yikes. | | | | constant demands for rides and juice packs? |
| | | | |
| I spent most of the eighties living and | | | | It's not that my kids don't do anything. |
| working in Asia. I taught English in Japan | | | | They're into all kinds of activities--drama, |
| for five years, so I'm all too familiar with | | | | music, dance, volunteer work, and even jobs. |
| the "education mama" syndrome. What's | | | | Two are gearing up for lacrosse, one is in |
| interesting is that the American mamas have | | | | the midst of interviews for a year-long |
| taken that same emphasis on competition and | | | | exchange program, while the oldest is in her |
| achievement and focused on sports or other | | | | senior year and doing the college application |
| activities. Although we don't have to suffer | | | | dance. It's a busy time. |
| the unfortunate consequences of despondent | | | | |
| students going through the examination hell | | | | And yet, they still eat a real dinner at home |
| of the Japanese system, we have burned out | | | | most nights. |
| 15-year-olds having knee surgery for ten | | | | |
| years' worth of soccer injuries, and families | | | | All of us--singles, married couples, young |
| who can't remember their last no-TV, | | | | families and empty nesters--can benefit from |
| no-phone, real food meal at home. | | | | the dinner ritual. By adopting and continuing |
| | | | the tradition of shared meals and |
| I think that somewhere between a manic | | | | conversation, we are emphasizing the |
| preoccupation with education and a rabid | | | | importance of thinking and sharing ideas. If |
| adherence to frenzied activity schedules is a | | | | we want our culture to value thinking, we've |
| happy medium. | | | | got to start by offering a tribute to it on a |
| | | | daily basis. |
| It's called dinner. | | | | |
| | | | Okay, so my kids may never get athletic |
| People in Europe or Latin America are | | | | scholarships. They may never meet a single |
| horrified to hear of families in the U.S. | | | | university athletic director before choosing |
| gulping dinner in their cars on a daily | | | | which college to attend. They won't be the |
| basis. It's appalling that there are actually | | | | next Olympic gymnast or ice skater, and |
| campaigns to re-introduce the concept of | | | | they're not likely to be conducting |
| sitting down to eat. In cultures where | | | | symphonies by the time they're 25. |
| families gather for meals every afternoon and | | | | |
| again late in the evening, they view this | | | | They'll have to settle for being happy, |
| obsession with achievement as baffling, | | | | smart, kind, aware, motivated, and full of |
| alarming and pitiful. | | | | enthusiasm for the world and their place in |
| | | | it. Their father and I will just have to be |
| And they're right. | | | | satisfied with lasting memories of slow life |
| | | | with our cherished children, and our |
| The truth is that it's pretty hard to lose | | | | daughters will strive only to duplicate this |
| control of your family's activities if you | | | | same lifestyle for their own families |
| make dinner a priority most nights. It's | | | | someday. |
| simply not possible to attend multiple | | | | |
| practices each night if you're expected at | | | | Radical, isn't it? |
| the dinner table from 6:30-7:30. | | | | |